Stop Trying to Fix Me

  Yesterday my friend (who I know reads this-so hello!) and I were having a conversation about people who try to give their opinions on your medical matters. Offering treatment advice, trying to diagnose you…you know what I’m talking about. I told her that I’m okay with her giving me advice, only because she was in treatment with me and knows what I’m going through. But not everyone’s advice is as welcomed or appreciated. This morning I stumbled across this brilliantly written statement by MrsWelches Warriors. The truth behind it is so real, and it puts many of my thoughts and feelings into words.

You see, people always try to fix things. Broken car? Take it to a mechanic. TV stopped working? Call someone to fix it right away. Strep throat? Make a beeline for the doctor to get some medicine. We see what’s broken and our instinct is to fix it. But chronic illness is not the same as a broken car. It’s not as easy to repair as a television, nor is it cured by medication like strep throat. No, chronic illness is in a whole different category, one where the “fix it” gloves must come off. 

People with chronic illness don’t just receive a diagnosis and do nothing about it. Well, maybe some do. But most people choose to fight. They see doctors, they read books, they google treatment options. They try to see what works. Once all options have been exhausted, then they choose to accept their new way of living. So when someone says, “have you tried this?” it’s like pouring salt into a very tender, aching wound. Chances are, we’ve tried it…and if we’re still “not better,” that’s probably because it didn’t work. We don’t need the reminder that we’re incurable.

Eventually we come to a point where we choose to accept the diagnosis that is given. We adapt, we make changes, both physically and mentally. We deal with the struggle of remembering the way things used to be, while learning how to make the present situation work for us. We know that this just might be how the rest of our lives will go, but we also entertain the idea of a better future. We research, we look at possible options. We do what we can, what is comfortable and tolerable.

We don’t need people who have never been in our shoes telling us what to do, where to go, or what “magical pill” to swallow.

Before you throw a chronic illness warrior an article from the Weekly World Dum-Dum claiming to “cure” our ailments, take a minute to think. Would this really be helpful? Did they ask for my opinion? Have they already tried this treatment? Unless we’ve asked, we probably don’t want your advice on how to “cure” our incurable illness. Thank you very much.

Friends, family, strangers in the grocery store…stop trying to fix me. Just let me deal with my diagnosis in the way I know how. Stop breaking me even more by giving me your unsolicited, ridiculous opinion. I know my body, I know what treatments are available, I know what has and has not worked. Unless I’ve directly asked for your help, please keep your comments to yourself.