Pain is Real.

Last semester I took a psychopathology class. Around December I was wavering between getting a degree in Psychology and then a degree in OT or just getting my Master’s in OT, but that class pretty much made me want to run away from the psych field. Maybe it’s because I could relate to so much of what we talked about, either directly or indirectly…but I felt uncomfortable and uneasy when I sat in that classroom each day.

One topic was Somatoform Disorders, AKA having physical symptoms in the absence of actual physical damage or change. Essentially what my Prof said was that a patient with a somatoform disorder is expressing his or her desires in a way that would be acceptable to society (if someone wants to be taken care of, they will become ill so that they have a reason to be babied and nursed back to health). Okay, fine. Somatoform disorders can and do happen, and they are a part of psychology. But there can be other explanations as well.

When we got to the types of somatoform disorders section, guess what made the list? You’ve got it…pain disorders. The definition he gave for this? “Pain without or beyond what is appropriate from a physical standpoint.” Hmm…sounds similar to RSD/CRPS, only the fact that he presented it as being a somatoform disorder implies that to him, the pain is all in one’s head and not real.

While I do understand that there is the possibility that someone may be having pain related to psychological conflict or issues, the way my Professor presented it, he seemed to imply that rather than it being simply a possibility, we are to view psychological problems as the probability. Basically, in his mind, the patient is faking it until physically proven otherwise.

I have seen and heard about way too many doctors brushing off their patients’ complaints and telling them their pain is all in their head, when really, it was RSD or another very real problem. It really bothers me that this Professor, who is infusing knowledge into the brains of many people who will go on to become doctors or clinical psychologists, thinks and teaches in this way. He said that in order to believe that someone is in pain, he has to see that there is physically wrong. How ignorant.

Another part about this discussion that bothered me was the fact that he, along with the rest of the class, knew that I have RSD/CRPS, a chronic pain disorder. Does that mean he thought I was faking it, and it’s all in my head? There is a good likelihood that he had that thought, despite the fact that my foot is swollen and crazy colors. Even if he didn’t think that was the case, some of my classmates might have chalked my pain disorder up to psychological problems. Again, ignorant.

But really, the issue isn’t a matter of whether or not you can see it. Because a person with a body part that looks “normal” like my left foot can be in just as much pain as someone with one that looks swollen and discolored like the right foot. It bothers me when people are so quick to discount the fact that people are in genuine pain, and instead say that they are crazy or their pain cannot possibly be as bad as they describe.

Friends, pain is real. Just because you are not in someone’s body to feel their pain (and you should be grateful that you aren’t…) does not mean that it doesn’t exist. You will never know what it’s like to be someone else and to feel what they feel, but the least you can do is have compassion toward them. Believe them when they say that they aren’t feeling well or they are in pain, because most likely, they are in even more pain than they say.

I sometimes do wish that everyone could spend one day in the shoes of a chronic pain patient, just to see what it’s like. The physical pain, emotional pain of people not believing you, and the adjustments that must be made in order to live a semi-normal life. Maybe then they would get it. Maybe then they would understand that we don’t like living this way, we don’t make up this pain. Because honestly, if you could wave a magic wand over me and have my body restored to complete health, I wouldn’t even think twice before saying yes.

People of the world, please think long and hard before telling someone that their pain is fake or “all in their head.” Whether you’re a friend, a parent, a doctor, or a random person on the street, give people the benefit of the doubt and extend to them them the gift of believing them, and of believing in them. This isn’t an easy road to travel, but those who are willing to walk alongside us and believe our pain do help carry the load.

Give the grace and love to others that you would like to have for yourself, and please remember that everyone is fighting some kind of battle, whether you see it or not.

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Dream Big

A few years ago, our drama camp theme was “Dream Big.” I think it’s important for everyone, especially kids, to have the freedom to dream enormous dreams and create achievable goals for their lives. But lately, this has been something I’ve really struggled with…I’ve been afraid to dream.

No, I’m not talking about nighttime dreams…although I have had some bad ones lately. I’m talking about the dreams that give me a reason to keep moving forward. Things to look forward to. Targets to aim at. I’m talking about plans for the future and imagining what my life may be like a few years from now.

Dreaming seems like such an exciting activity. When you begin a new project, you often brainstorm, throwing out wild ideas until you compose a clear vision. Likewise, with dreams, the bigger the better. You can always tone it down a bit to make things more realistic later on, but part of the dreaming process is opening your mind to new possibilities, new adventures.

If this is all so fun and great, why is it such a struggle for me? Why can’t I allow myself the opportunity to dream? I think part of this stems from the uncertainties that still remain in my life. It’s so hard to know how things will be a week from now, let alone years into the future. I don’t know if I’ll walk again. I’m not sure how my health will be in the coming days. I don’t know how my family life will change or if new relationships will develop as time goes on. I don’t want to get my hopes up or dream too big in case things become unattainable. I don’t want to base my joy and excitement on something that could change with the blink of an eye.

This week I’m going to challenge myself to open my heart, free my mind, and begin to dream again. Even if it just means setting one goal or imagining one part of my future. I want to stop living like the next few years are a giant, unpredictable black hole. I want to have things to hold onto. Goals to work toward. I want to let myself “go there” for a minute, knowing that all of my dreams may not come true, or if they do, they might not be in my ideal time frame. But regardless of the outcome, I want to begin with a dream and let things go from there.

Join me on a journey to dreaming big dreams and discovering new passions. Who knows what might happen when we dare to dream 🙂

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